Raw.

Some people close to me have just made me aware that I am self-centered! And you know what? They are right! Thank you Pamela and Paul

In times past I have rejected the idea that I was in some way self-centered because I have never been a selfish person. I have never allowed people to speak into this area of my life. I had never seen the distinction between self-centeredness and selfishness until today. And yes, there is a distinction.

First of all I am glad to have those in my life that love me in spite of me and will guide me to see the areas in my life that need improvement. I am glad that they were able to see the difference between selfishness and self-centeredness and speak accordingly into that area of my life. I was able to receive correction and guidance because they were not attacking me, pointing out my failures for sake of failure but extending Grace to me in this area that I need to improve in…they way they have spoken into my life gave me the desire and courage to want change.

Others have tried to point out this weakness in me. They, like me, had also lumped the self-centeredness is the same category as selfishness, and in doing so I had rejected their insights into my life and have been blinded to change.

selfish |ˈselfi sh |
adjective
(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure

Selfishness is a personality trait that I hate. How dare anyone call me selfish!? I give of myself all the time…sometimes to a fault. I am generous with money, I am willing to help people, I use my own abilities to help others, I always share my belongings (especially when offering food, rides etc.) To me, those things are important in loving people. I have never wanted to be selfish.

self-centered
adjective
preoccupied with oneself and one's affairs

Because I now know the definition and that I can trully see God's grace in my life I can finally admit that I am self-centered and that I need change.

Self-centeredness can be a survival mechanism. It can mean not being aware of others, not out of selfishness, but out of ignorance or being very independent.

My self-centeredness has most likely come out of my need to survive and be independent. I probably learned it from being an only child, and when you have to play the role of a parent towards a parent you grow up young. I am not making excuses for this personality flaw…but I need to recognize where it comes from.
I don’t want to be a self-centered person. If I want a heart that is for God and for people I must begin a process of losing this portion of my life.- Love is the very opposite of being preoccupied with oneself…and I want to love.

I recognize that I have negatively affected important relationships in my life by not addressing this tendency sooner but I believe that Grace will help me in this process of change.

The more that I receive the understanding of God’s unconditional, unmerited love for me, and the more I see that I do not need to be preoccupied with the affairs of my life whether for survival or love, but that He loves me enough to keep me safe and to love me, then I can direct those feelings and thoughts I have had towards myself outward to others…and I am pretty excited about that!

I have no idea really how to start …except for today my thoughts and actions will be for other people. I may fail …but that is not the point…the point is that I have God who is for me and who is shaping me into His image…losing parts of our old self sometimes takes time…but God has a lot of time to work on me and he is not leaving me…and he is not letting me stay like this.

Now that Grace has freed me up to be aware of other important areas in my life other then trying to strive to be right with God...I now can actually move onto important areas of my life. wow!

Help me not be self-centered. Pray that I get more clarity in this area of my life and that I trust God’s Grace to change it!